Alright, hear me out. I asked a couple of weeks ago what everybody was doing during quarantine so I could make a list for anybody who needed some ideas. I sat on it. I viewed suggestions. I jotted down all the different things I was doing. I compiled information about people who were doing cool things in specific quarantine areas. If that’s what you’re here for, here are some starters...

Cook, exercise, learn how to do hair or makeup, paint, plant a garden, write, read a new book (or several), play board games, spend time with other quarantined loved ones, subscribe to something, etc.

However, that’s not exactly what I’m here for. I used to beat myself up really badly about consistency and about all the things I needed to do with my blog and my website, for my followers and contributors. Then, I was hit with a lot of trauma and at the “end” of that trauma when I was focused on trying to heal,
CORONA VIRUS!

I woke up really early this morning, around five o'clock, and I laid there, silently, listening to the sounds of the birds chirping. It was peaceful, still kind of dark outside, and the only sound I could hear. I wondered, in that moment, if birds worried about things like sickness and death. I wondered if during their morning songs, they warned each other about staying home or ignoring the world's stressors. Do birds worry at all? Do birds fear? Have they been warned about coronavirus or are they still just fluttering their wings, happy that it's getting warmer and flowers are blooming in places that just recently were barren? 

So, I’m curious... maybe I’m missing something, but I definitely feel like older generations still refuse to believe that it is okay to seek professional mental help. It’s almost like they rather live in pain than succumb to opening up about their trauma to a trained professional. I see people rant on Facebook, go off in public and make poor decisions in regards to their mental health, but what I don’t see enough people do is seek legitimate help.

Growing up, I suffered from depression and extreme forms of anxiety that still to this day don’t exactly make sense to me. I had a great life for the most part, but some things in my personal life were just hard for lack of a better word. Some things in my life tore me apart and there never seemed like a healthy way to talk about my problems, so they ate at me and consumed me. I remember my first anxiety attack at eight years old. I was pretty young the first time I cut myself. I still remember what drove me to make that decision, but until this very moment, it’s nothing I’ve ever publicized. However, I’m ready to talk. I hope you are too!

I've been going about things the wrong way. This week, God tested me and I almost failed. I almost missed the lesson He was trying to teach me. I almost missed the message He was trying to send because I was too busy looking at what was wrong instead of praising Him for what is right. Here's a story about perspective, here's my testimony...

I had 3 very important conversations last night and learned 3 very important lessons.

1. Friendships, like relationships can be taxing and toxic. Sometimes we need to step bank from friendships and re-evaluate the same way we would a romantic relationship. Sex is not the only factor that determines what we will and will not put up with from people, but we oftentimes hold romantic partners more accountable for their actions and we let our friends slide when in fact, they need to be responsible for their actions too.

2. You do not have to minimize yourself to fit into the box that others have created for you. In the same respect, you do not have to be more than you are to fit the expectations of others. You are enough.
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3. There are blessings, whether big or small, in every situation, good or bad. Change your perspective and accept what is.  Let go of what is not. What is meant to be will be. You have permission to love and you also have permission to hurt.