Nice, For What?

Poem Excerpt from "When He Leaves You" by Michaela Angemeer and Suhaila Baheyeldin

First of all, I believe that a little bit of truth is in order. I keep trying to brush through life and forget the things that hurt me (like REALLY hurt me), without acknowledging that my pain is what has made me who I am.  I am strong, loving and resilient because of the things and the people who have changed my life (for the better or worst). I'm not saying I owe anybody my success or anything crazy, because you know how people get when you open up and give an inch. I do believe though, that certain things need to be put out into the open. Therefore, I feel better and more comfortable about life. I try my hardest to enter into each day with a clear and level head because I would crash and burn if I held onto things and let the past consume me. I wrote a post a couple of weeks ago that explains that life is like a hair cut. Sometimes, you have to cut off the dead ends to watch it grow. ​That is what I have done and that is the secret to my drive and success.

Moving on is the most rewarding and challenging thing to do, so please, do it.

On Saturday, April 7, 2018, Drake released a new BANGER entitled "Nice For What" and the world applauded. Even though I believe this was Drake's attempt at mentally seducing women back onto his team, I cannot deny that the song is amazing and it put me in a mood that I have not felt in a very long time.

Not only does he sample Lauryn Hill's, "Ex-Factor," but he adds his own Drakeish twist and features a handful of prominent women in the world in his music video. All of our most loved celebrities played a part in the video. It was beautiful. Gold, really! Who else could have gotten Issa Rae, Tracee Ellis Ross, Misty Copeland, Letitia Wright, etc. into ONE VIDEO? ​

---

Anyways, the real reason that we are here, is THIS...

Although I do not believe that women should just stomp around the world, mad at men (as some of you have decided that this was Papi's overall message), I do believe that women must step up and take the world by storm. We need to start focusing more on ourselves than our men and realize that self love and self empowerment are not lost arts! Here is my personal story and testimony, narrated  by Papi Drake (Please pardon his language for he knows not what he says):

---

Y'all! This is a MOOD... not a good one, but still, a mood. For a long time, I stayed in an extremely painful and toxic relationship. When we were good, we were good, but more times than  not, we were hurting each other. My boyfriend for the better part of three years cheated on me time and time again and although I knew it, he downplayed it. He made me think it was something to just get over. He cared for me and he was around when I needed him to be, but he didn't value me the way that I deserved to be valued. I even believed that despite our ups and downs, he loved me. We were Bonnie and Clyde, stupidly trying to take over the world; pretending that it was us against the world... as if we had to struggle and hurt. No, he didn't hit me or anything wild like that, but abuse is more than domestic. Words hurt. Detachment hurt. Making me feel less than what I am, hurt. Not allowing me to grow and placing me in a box that was small enough for him to handle, ​hurt more than anything. What kills me the most,  however, is that through it all, all I could see was him. I wanted more  than anything to settle down with him and to start a family.

I would have given the world for that man, but we were never right for each other. We were not destined to be. There was nothing in our cards that read, "You and Him." I thought that was the most beautiful thing about us though. We literally had to fight to make it, and for the most part, we gave our all to do so until all we had just wasn't good enough. He found somebody that made him happy. He found somebody that made him feel like more of a man. I was a little too strong... maybe even way too strong. I couldn't be gentle enough. I was too sure of myself and not sure enough about him. He changed for me. He really did, but he stayed with her... and that is okay. 

---

The next guy I dated, I believed was my soulmate. He was the man of my dreams. I knew very early on that if we lasted, I would be well loved and well supported. He made me feel beautiful, inside and out. He spoiled me and catered to me. I'm talking shopping dates and vacations, but on a more important note, dinner every night and making sure I made it to church. He was the truth. He was real and he reminded me of all the reasons why I couldn't stay in the relationship I had been in before. There's more to life than the facade of being happy with somebody who wasn't meant for you. I started to believe that there was a man for me out there even though the one I wanted so badly, was not mine to keep. I'm sure God was up there laughing at all of the plans I made for myself.  My relationships were my doing, but never really ordained by Him.

Needless to say, he left too. I'm not going to get into the details of that situation, but just know that there's a psycho stalker, a dying love, an unkept secret and a regretful hurt involved. Truthfully, I can put my own business out there, but I can't blast anybody else's. It is what it is. And wherever he is these days, I pray that God is blessing him and keeping him safe. He played a role in my life that was deep and when we fell apart, I broke... It wasn't because he slept with my best friend or spit at me or anything crazy, but I had placed him on a pedestal and I knew in my heart that he would NEVER do anything to hurt me. Wow, was I wrong. Ultimately though. as strong a sour connection was, we brought out the worst in each other. He's a good guy, but he got caught up in the falsehoods of it all. I learned that sometimes there are obstacles that are not meant for us to overcome. Some barriers are not meant to be climbed over or gotten through. Sometimes God truly blocks things not to see how hard we are willing to work, but to keep us safe. We eventually stopped speaking for good and I haven't felt more free, ever in my life.

---

So here I go, broken and weak, stumbling through life, trying to find what works for me. I decided to let go of the idea of the perfect relationship, because what was that anyways except unrealistic expectations and false hope? I decided to create a new me, or develop a more profound me. I dreamed about being somebody's influence. I wanted to be more powerful but not intimidating. I wanted a softer heart and more genuine spirit. I wanted to be a complete bad ass that demanded respect but in a gentile way that made people smile and feel encouraged. I cut and colored my hair, pierced my nose and started traveling more. I couldn't keep myself in that mold that had been created for me by the men who claimed that they loved me. I really ventured out of my comfort zone and low and behold, I found myself. Since then, I have been creating the most dope and honorable version of me. I grew up and started to show out... not in a cocky way, but in the "girl, you bettaaa," kind of way.

Drake says it best. I'm showing off, but it's alright. This is my life. It's a short life. I know dark days and hard times and I work my tail off for the things that I have. I work hard to make my life better and also make the world a better place for others. For a while, I had stopped believing in me, but I'm back and I'm better. I'm not stressing over men or their drama. Life goes on. I don't need a man to tell me that I got this, because I know I do.  So, thanks Papi, for appreciating me and all of my hard work, long days, longer nights and bright ideas. We see you too. 

To all my ladies, Be Bold. Be brave. Be You.
To all my fellas, don't let her slip away. She will glow up without you if you don't glow up with her.

Peace & Love,
​Alyssa Renee

Poem Excerpt from "soft.," by Kiana Azizian

---

To see who all was featured in "Nice For What," and why, check out High Snobiety's post. 
​ "Watch The Breakdown"