I cried all morning; with Cheryl, to John, the two hours in the car, etc. I just couldn't pull myself together. I'm not exactly sure how I felt. I'm not sure if I was mad or sad. I just felt numb. I learned years ago not to question God. I also learned that the proper response to "Why me?" is "Why not you?" So I moved on from wondering and trying to find reason. I went straight to acceptance and tried to find the beauty in what had happened. My aunt is now free and we are all blessed that her suffering is complete. She couldn't really speak to me the day before, but I was able to tell her that I love her and I made peace with the inevitable. It was only a matter of time before she went on. However, that didn't make the news any easier. I felt alone. I felt lost. I was so far from home, but Chez and John were great.
When we got to the zoo, I was reluctant at first. I had to deal with the whole "animal thing," you know? There were weird smells and I was uncomfortable with the idea that areas weren't clean. Yes, I can sanitize as much as I want to, but other people don't all feel the same way I do. I got over myself though. I bought to bags of kangaroo feed and went on my way. I was either going to mope around all day, or dive right into the full experience. Lately, I've been diving in.
All I could do, and all that I wanted to do all day was be thankful for my own life and bask in the present. It's really important to focus on RIGHT NOW. It's critical to take the time to embrace and to love what is good in every moment, because pain will literally consume us. Hurt, anger, fear... they'll kill us, and what good is that?
I walked around all day, telling the animals hello. I spoke to all of them. Literally, all of them and the cutest ones spoke back! By the end of the day, I wasn't bitter. I wasn't mad at the world for my loss, but I felt relieved. Even in times of sorrow, I was able to smile about the little things in life. It's time to make some life changes. It's time to start appreciating the life that I have and living that life to the fullest because it's the only life that I have. I am so blessed to have love, support, and opportunity.
Thanks for being here,